subtitle: A woman's guide to changing the patterns of intimate relationships
Anger is something we feel. It exists for a reason.
Ask: What am I really angry about?
If feeling angry signals a problem, venting anger does not solve it. Venting anger may serve to maintain, and even rigidify, the old rules and patterns in a relationship, thus ensuring that change does not occur.
Those of us locked in ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those who dare not get angry at all.
We cannot make another person change his or her steps to an old dance, but if we change our own steps, the dance can no longer continue in the same predictable manner.
Many of our problems with anger occur when we choose between having a relationship and having a self. This book is about having both.
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